A CLEARER PICTURE

A CLEARER PICTURE

Many people like to discuss what they want in a girlfriend/boyfriend or a spouse.

The ideal spouse is created in a few moments of verbal excellence!

Young men usually speak of a girl that they intend to love. That’s wonderful! But I often wonder what that means. What goes through their minds when they speak of loving their future wives?

There is the classic passage in Ephesians 5:22-33 that talks of a Christian household. Paul is teaching and instructing the Ephesians on how live with each other and how they ought to relate to each other as Christians.

Preceding this passage, he begins with instructions to all Christians (v.21). We ought to submit to each other as to the Lord. As I see it, Paul is admonishing us to serve each other in humility for this is the will of Christ concerning all Christians.

He then turns to the wives (v. 22). This may be one of the most misinterpreted and consequently misunderstood verses in the Bible. Wives are told to submit to their husbands. Many husbands and wives have misunderstood submission as the wife’s service to the husband according to his will. (I am not saying that it is wrong for the wife to serve her husband according to his will, but it is not proper when the setting qualifies this to be a slavery of sorts) When this misunderstanding is mixed up with our cultural understanding of marriage, it results in a master-slave relationship between the husband and wife. Many women have also fallen into believing this false and flawed template. Because of this misplaced belief in this incorrect template, many women fall into slavery and maltreatment.

What I think on this is that a wife ought to respect and honour her husband as her responsibility to God. The husband is the beneficiary of his wife’s obedience to her Lord.

Similarly then a man is to love his wife (v. 25) so as to fulfill his responsibility to God. This idea lies in the context of verse 21 and the fact that both verses are instructing Christians to do these things as to the Lord. According to me, this means that both submission to husbands and loving wives is directed to the Lord!

Many men put their focus on verse 22 but I am more concerned in and interested in verse 25-26. The entire passage gives me a clear idea of the kind of wife to pray and hope for, but I feel it gives me a clearer picture of the kind of man I ought to be and the kind of man my future wife should marry.

I ought to love my (future) wife as Christ loved the church; He died for her to purify her. That means I ought to love my (future) wife unconditionally. It also means that I must love her sacrificially. In essence I see the second being a product of the first. Sacrifice is only made when the love is unconditional. Sacrifice can only be made where there is a condition, and to love unconditionally means to love steadfastly irrespective of situations and circumstances. That means that I am willing to forfeit what is important to me for the sake of her whom I love.

I find it quite interesting that Paul draws a parallel between marriage and the relationship between Christ and the Church. Christ, when on earth, had a primary objective of making (through Himself) a purified bride that would be presentable to Him. In the same way, husbands ought to take initiative and to work toward the betterment of their wives. This will definitely call for sacrifice on the husbands’ part. This triggers an automatic reaction in the wife; she submits to him (as is proper)! Husbands ought not to focus on making their wives submit but should be more concerned with how they can love their wives! This is the responsibility a man has (to the Lord).

1 Corinthians 7 talks of marriage and singleness. Paul encourages the believers to stay single but fully affirms marriage. I found it quite interesting that a man such as Paul would discourage people from entering the God-ordained institution of marriage. Looking at the passage more contextually we find that the believers of Paul’s time thought that Jesus was coming in their lifetime (v. 29-…the time is short…). As a result, Paul was encouraging people to stay single so as to accomplish more for the Kingdom of God in the little time left. Single people are more able to focus their energies on ministry as opposed to married people who have great responsibility in family affairs.

Looking at marriage from this angle, then it seems to me that singleness and marriage are both great blessings that should be enjoyed maximally. For me, to enjoy and make proper use of my singleness is to do as much for the Lord as I can so that marriage will not be an anticlimax but in stark contrast it will be a climax! I want to reach a point in my service of the King where I have maximized my potential and capacity as a single person and will take up a wife to increase my capacity for the very same service! The need to serve is greater now than ever.

Meanwhile, I want to focus more on the kind of man God wants me to be. This is my heart’s desire. The primary reason remains to be more of what He wants by doing his commands (this is love according to 1John 5:3). This pursuit of Holiness will call for sacrifice. I thank God that He honours sacrifice. If I seek him relentlessly, then He will grant me my heart’s desire even as pertains to somebody to marry. He will provide not only a harvest but a bountiful one indeed! Hallelujah!

Lord, raise for your glory a crop of men willing and able to serve You and You alone! Raise a people for yourself that honour you with their lives and glorify you with the motives of their hearts! Men who will be hope for children and a light in this world.

Amen.

Allan Muchiri Njoroge

Jan 20, 2009